


I'd Rather Not AU

by SinScrivener



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Also made female pregnancy, F/M, Good Omens AU, M/M, Male Pregnancy, She/Her Pronouns for Hastur (Good Omens), She/her pronouns for Ligur (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28434087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinScrivener/pseuds/SinScrivener
Summary: I've been given a HUGE honor of writing another AU from @jasper_omens this time literally a what if Ligur and Hastur NEVER did the swap with Crowley and instead took Adam's rearing into their own hands?The maker of this AU has different names for some of the characters suchCast:Hastur is now Oísin and he's Adam's Butler whilstLigur is now Nanny Limain and his title is self explanatory~💕Dog is now Caine!Warlock is now Abel and meets Adam who's now named Damien at around 11/13 years oldWhy so late?I HOPE to do a decent enough job to get that far as to get to explain why but until then, I HOPE HOPE HOPE they enjoy what I've got done (sorry for the late start concussions suck) and super sorry for a BILLION and ten questions but I really wanna make you proud..
Relationships: Hastur & Ligur (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens), Warlock Dowling & Adam Young, Warlock Dowling/Adam Young
Kudos: 3





	1. The Not So Exchange

**Author's Note:**

> (This will sound like a copout but I've had so many different damn medications used on me throughout my lifetime that what once I wrote story/novel worth works, now I can't even tell the then's, were's, and so for and where to put (, ; ect))
> 
> (ONCE I was told I was up there with Stephen King.. No one believes me for how shit I am but damnit if I haven't kept trying! Writing keeps me going and fuck it, I PROMISE I'm giving my work my all at all times!)
> 
> (That is all-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Damien: Meaning: Tame, subdue.
> 
> The French didn't tinker too much with this name—just a quick spelling change from the original English Damian. Both are derived from the Greek “Damianos,” which came from the word “daman” (“tame, subdue”).)

Everyone knows about the 'not so dark and stormy night' where in the Antichrist was to be exchanged with the Demon known as Crowley to get the Armageddon ball rolling, but did anyone ever wonder what would happen if a simple conversation between the two Dukes in charge of his passing sparked one of them to make a decision on the spot that would change all of History as we'd know it?

You see, Angel's and Demons come from the same stock, just, Demons Fell from Her Grace.

One of these two Dukes, Ligur seemed more attuned to this fact then most of his fellow Demons and whilst awaiting their lower class charge Crowley, after a lengthy conversation about him, he ask out of nowhere a simple, "Do you trust him?"

To which, Hastur, his partner and Duke beside him dragged on his cig and sneered out smartly, "No!"

"Right, funny ol'world if Demons went around trusting one another!" Was what got Ligurs gears turning.

Demons were lesser then Dukes, or so HE liked to think.

He still had some semblance of thoughts of those of Angel's and spoke this to his other calmly, his breath coming out in a bellow of mist in the cool night air as Hastur produced another cig magically from his person, "But we're Dukes, ain't we?"

"Ey, was' your point, Lig?"

Ligur tread slowly and held up the basket with their Master's son inside and pressed ever so gently, "We're NOT just some 'Demons' Hast!"

Hastur blew out a ring of cig smoke before passing it over, voice curious, torn ears pointed upwards at his mates words, "Hmm?"

"We give our Master's son to Crawley, a mere DEMON who KNOWS wot will become of him!"

Hastur peeked into the basket at the sleeping Destroyer as Ligurs words hit home, "But if WE, DUKES take him and raise him ourselves-"

"We'll be in complete charge and control of his upbringing is wot your saying, Lig?"

"Ey, Pet~"

Hastur smirked, ears tipped back as he did so, voice rumbling with his purr as Ligur puffed up proudly at his mate's praise, holding the Antichrist carefully in his arms like the child he never had, "Oi Lig, your so brilliant! Once the world is in Hell's favor your name'll be sung for eternity!"

"Wot shall we call OUR charge then, Pet?" He asked softly and together they peeked into the basket of what was indeed a ticking little time bomb for Hell's redemption over Heaven!

"Don't know really.. Never thought we'd have a litter ourselves!" Hastur pointed out then looked at Ligurs ever changing eyes flashed a brilliant red as he whispered into the basket, gently touching the newborns little head, "How's about Damien~"

"We'll turn him into the perfect example of what Hell can do!" Hastur almost giggled before getting alerted to the sound of music blaring and a car coming up the dreary graveyard lane.

"Crawley!"

"Up ya get lil mite~" Ligur purred as he lifted the Antichrist from his basket, silken red blanket swaddled around him, and tucked him carefully into his jacket before allowing Hastur to unfurl his desert colored wings.

"Just sleeep~" Ligur purred to the bab as Damien began to stir.

Slowly he closed his eyes at the soothing of Ligurs voice and without a sound, without a flap of his wings, Hastur had both Ligur and the Antichrist out of the meeting place and into the air and well off towards the convert where the Chattering Order was awaiting CRAWLEY'S arrival!

Wouldn't they be surprised when instead of a lowly Demon bringing forth the Antichrist, they'd be graced with two of Hell's FINEST Dukes!


	2. This Isn't The Plan!

Baby A, Baby B, and Baby C were all there, accounted for, and PROPERLY in place!

In another time there might have been a mix up! Where the Antichrist went to a completely different family all together! Where a normal mortal boy was eagerly watched by both sides for 11 years instead! Whilst Baby C…

Stayed Baby C-He still had award winning tropical fish!

But this 'great Idea' of Duke Ligurs wasn't seen as such by his Prince, by all means, not in the SLIGHTEST!

It blew over so badly that instead of dragging the two back to Hell, the Prince of Hell zemselves clawed zeir way up during the night whilst the two shared a celebratory smoke and drink and nearly mauled them to pieces!

By the time zey were finished, Hastur lay in complete submission before his Lord whilst Ligur had to stand alone before the small but HELL ANGRY Prince and explain himself and his Plan for a better Antichrist instead of a mere DEMON like Crawley taking 'care' of him.

With Hasturs large desert colored feathers fluttering loose from his beating from his Lord, Ligur bleeding from gashes made by his Lord's scythe like claws, they looked at their Prince and awaited their fates as the small Prince remained silent yet animated like a violent Tasmanian devil!

"You two bezzzt underszzztand how MUCH Zzzatan Himzzzelf regardzz you and your hard work! Your undying loyalty to Him! For if He had had ANY I'll feelingzzzz zzzo help me even I could not zzzave your zzztupid azzzzzezzzz!"

It was TRUE!

The Dukes of Hell, Hastur and Ligur WERE far more beloved by Satan than any other Duke of the six Princes'!

They sacrificed the most souls, gifted the most innocence, dotted on his every wish! From day ONE! Before the Fall of Demons! Before the 'Glorious Revolution' as Duke Dagon LOVED to call the day they fought for their rights-And promptly lost!

"So.."

"It'zzz ME that'zzz having a hard time wrapping my mind around thizzz! Wot in ZZZATAN'ZZZ NAME POZZZEZZED TWO BLAZZTED IDIOTZZZ TO ZZZTEAL OUR MAZZTER'ZZ ZZZON WHEN IT WAZZ CLEARLY CROWLEY'ZZZ MIZZZION? And DON'T give me 'he'sss a DEMON and WE'RE Dukesss' caussse I ssswear to Mum I'll ssend you both ssskyward ssso damn faaasssst then force you back to Hell so fast, your Fall'ssss will feel like a DREAM compared to how hard you'll hit the ground thissss time!"

Without needing to speak, both Hastur and Ligur has this in mind, at least Lord Beelzebub wasn't Zzz'ing anymore, just sss'ing. Zzz'ing was seconds away from completely fucked! Temper was lost! No hope to be had!

Sss'ing, sss'ing you had a slight chance of hope but still the outcome of the prior.

Hastur blurted out before Ligur could complete a proper thought, the darker skinned other winced, Hastur never thinking before doing, "We wanted to make certain he got the best rearing, Lord Beelzebub, Zir!"

Ligurs torn ears lifted some.

Their Lord hadn't killed them on spot. No, zey landed even! Zeir elegant wings folded back along with their arms.

But zeir gaze was so icy cold, Ligur lowered himself so Hastur could be center stage in speaking.

Hastur cursed him for that but kept going, ready to bite his fingerless gloved hand at any moment, "Certainly CRAWLEY can't be trusted, Lord Beelzebub!? He's not how we'd say.. Normal! Don't you say? Surely you can tell that? Flatter gets one nowhere but surely your smarter than that?"

That wasn't an insult and Beelzebub knew so. But it also sounded rather brash!

"If the Dark Council found it was to their advantage to have US keep'em, Lord Beelzebub, Zir.." Hastur kept speaking, bowing, grovelling like Ligur, his body however to long and surpassing his partners in length without trying, "Surely they have reason to believe it to be true?"

To zeir credit, Lord Beelzebub zemselves half trusted and half didn't trust Crowley as far as zey could throw him-Demonic powers aside, that throwing him wasn't very far!

And the Dukes before zem HAD good points as did the Dark Council AND zeir King of all Beings!

"I sswear," Lord Beelzebub hissed/buzzed into their faces, lifting silently off the ground. "If you two fail, if you two fuck thizzzz up, if Hell doesss not win-"

Zey need not explain anything further.

It read in their eyes what would befall them.

Extinction!

No coming back!

"Of course our Disgraceful Lord~"

"The Antichrist is in no darker hands, Lord Beelzebub, Zir!"

With a sharp huff of breath zey need not take nor give, in a final flash of their power, Lord Beelzebub flared zeir wings wide and snarled out sharply, "Don't dizzzappoint me! I expect updatezzz!" Then, in an engulfing plume of Hellfire, Hastur and Ligur watched their Lord vanish and together, in their Lord's absence, as one being, the two Dukes shared one shaking rattle of air that they too, did not need to take nor give back!

The split second decision was cemented! And now, Hell would no doubt WIN over Heaven thanks to their cunning and brilliance!


	3. Your New Butler And Nanny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mild hit of violence-Hastur and Ligur kill and eat these two mortals 
> 
> Also, Ruth is a name I made up and can be up to y'all why HIS name is Ruth (it's not a Surname either)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Oisin Meaning: Little deer
> 
> The name Oisin is a boy's name of Irish origin meaning "little deer". ... The original Oisin was the mythological son of Finn McCool and Sadb, the goddess who was changed into a deer. A legendary war hero and poet, Oisin had a name that is also reminiscent in sound of the ocean.)
> 
> (Limain Meaning: Goddess of the threshold 
> 
> In Latin Baby Names the meaning of the name Lima is: Goddess of the threshold)
> 
> -
> 
> (Ruth Meaning: Friend
> 
> Meaning. "Friend" Ruth (Hebrew: רות rut, IPA: [ʁut]) is a common female given name noted from Ruth the eponymous heroine of the eighth book of the Old Testament.)

Hastur and Ligur watched their charge get driven home at a safe distance later the next morning, keeping close and careful eyes upon the THING that carried him away, what APPEARED to be his 'parents' and upon stopping at where his 'home' was to be, the two Dukes now came to terms with something they did not expect when this 'grand' idea of Ligurs was made..

Their Master's son was born, he was where he needed to be, all well and good, but.. How in His and God's name did they go about bending the tieks mind into that of the Destroyer of World's?

Two Dukes of Hell couldn't simply go up to the mortals watching over the Antichrist and DEMAND entry into their home, DEMAND to be a part of Damien's rearing!

But what they DID notice however was how mortals would come in and out of the 'home' of the Antichrist as they pleased.

Some in different outfits then others.

This sparked a rather brilliant idea from Hastur that even Ligur was surprised at.

It was during the third night that the Antichrist had been Above when Hastur, laying along his belly, watching the 'home' building closely, came up with his plan.

"Oi, Lig, wot if we took their places?"

Ligur, picking his teeth with a raccoon bone looked to his mate and grunted.

"Like," Hastur shimmied over towards Ligur and looked down right excited!

"Seeing them mortals walking around all free like!? Wot if WE took two from the flock, ey? We put on their 'skins' and become them?"

Ligurs torn ears flicked upright, bone left on the ground. His face grew huge with his grin as Hasturs idea came into full light.

"Pet, your bloody smart! Damnit if only we'd known sooner!"

"A misstep but he's still a pea pod!" Hastur sneered then rubbed his clawed hands together in glee, "So, who's taking who's place?"

"Your idea, should be your choice~" Ligur purred, pushing himself into his thinner partner as the night wore on.

"Seems there's a few mortals, only some more focused INSIDE then others!"

Ligur used a claw and drew them in the dirt these few insiders and began x'ing out those who weren't what they wanted.

A cook, no. Never close enough to their Master's son!

Tutor? Whatever that was, it sounded downright sodding boring! Like working with Ushers in Hell!

Gardner's? Both liked the idea however-

Maid? Ligur mused how he'd pay handsomely to see Hastur in a maid's outfit!

Just for that!

"Oi.. Oi, Hastur wait.. Pet please!"

Hypnotic like, two mortals, one male and one female walked out of the 'home' of their Master's son and ambled down the gravel road towards the Dukes hiding place.

Zombie like in motion, they willingly neared the platinum blonde Demon and his now burning Hellfire eyed partner, unaware of their fates becoming. 

"Aha! Nope! Yours!' Hastur snipped lightly at Ligur before driving for the male mortal. Leaving Ligur staring right at the female he'd gotten himself stuck with!

No matter! Ligur told himself as he squared himself and leapt for the women waiting stupidly before him.

This mortal he was taking was the Nanny of the Antichrist! The very HEART of his Master's son and like Heaven would he allow the chance be spoiled by being made a...Female mortal of all beings!

-

A wrap on the 'homes' front door the very next morning, just before the sun was up, greeted the doorman with a sight to behold with not just one new face, but two-

"Excuse me.. May I ask what it is you two wish at such an early hour?"

Hastur smirked, half a cig in his mouth, voice harsh, a fang tip showing some from his mouth, "I'm the new Butler, mate!"

As if he got the memo like a slap to the face, the doorman gave a start and slowly nodded before stepping back to allow the tall man inside.

"An..and you must be..the new Nanny?"

The doorman heard the Butler ahead snicker but remained looking upon the flustered young women.

Finally, she too answered, looking away, pink showing upon her soft brown cheeks, "Yes, sir.."

"The names, Oísin and this here is Nanny Limain~" Hastur announced before taking on the mortals 'role' as Butler and bowed smartly.

The doorman hadn't seen such a tall young man before.. Nor one with such hair so blonde that it was almost white!

But the Nanny, she seemed like a kind soul~ Nanny like in every way.

Though she never looked him in the eyes, how odd.. But most ladies were nervous like that and he didn't press her, at least she didn't make him feel like a prey animal unlike when Oisin was even near him!

"Right umm.. Where to.. Where to start-"

"The kid?!" Oisin offered bluntly only to look off and around when the doorman gave him a strange look. 

"I figured, Madame Limain here knew about Master Damien but.. You?"

"We work together.." Limain cut in before Oisin could get himself caught before the plan even started. 

"I'm often too shy to.. To get to the door, he isn't, obviously!"

Oisin smirked then winked at the doorman. "Ladies am I right?" Then yelped when Limain threw something from within her basket towards his face.

"My apologies for that behavior there.. It gets… Degrading.. Sexists…" Limain commented shyly when their welcomer gave her a startled look only to blink in shock when he patted her shoulder and sniffed pointly at Oisin, "You are well and fine, Madame Limain! This card is a fool, if he gets to be too much of a bother just let me or someone else know and we'll be sure to escort him off the property!"

"Belittling a woman because she's shy, the nerve! Now dear, the young Master is right this way~"

Limain flashed Oisin a look of pure HA! That the other's glasses and cig fell clean from his face and mouth. That's when he noticed he was being left behind!

"Excuse me, Mr. Oisin but.. What pray tell are you doing following us?"

"Well, we're a team! I.. I.. I-"

"Your a Butler, Mr. Oisin! She's a Nanny. Unless our Master can suddenly talk, Madame Limain can summon for you as she so pleases! Your business is needed around the mansion not just as her shadow!"

With the calmest, sweetest voice Oisin had ever heard, female or not, Limain looked over her shoulder, beautiful eyes looking square at him, and purred, "I'll be just fine, Ois~ Get acquainted with our workmates and I'll meet back up with you?"

In complete disbelief, Oisin watched as with a slow turn of her head back forward, the doorman lead Limain along up towards the second floor, his kind voice echoing down for him to hear, making him seeth, "Just call me, Ruth, Madame Limain~"


	4. Catch Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not their part of the AU but my own bit (rumor on who birthed the Antichrist, in my writings it's either Lord Beelzebub or Hastur)
> 
> I'll change it completely if need be (it's a rumor which can or cannot be true so thus far is a heads or tails however you flip it yourselves)

Upon her word, Oisin MET everyone!

Begrudgingly walking to every single mortal he saw in his tunnel visioned eyes he marked them silently as, 'Cook', 'Laundry Maid', 'Garbage Mortal', and so on.

Once 'Ruth' was alone in a dark corner-

"Duke Hastur!" A buzzing voice sounded suddenly out of nowhere as he sniffed out another one of his 'workmates'.

He reehed and backed off before looking around himself, ears lowered, expecting his Lord to be ready to kill him where he stood, right before these mortals!

"The fly you idiot!"

Hastur looked down and at his shoulder to find a fly indeed, upon his shoulder. An ANGRY fly at that and then, looking back around, that time and in that sense, the mortals having stopped.

In a BANG, his Lord was before him, small as ever but still just as angry but emotionless as last he remembered them.

"I see your dressed as a mortal.."

"Ligur and I've gotten ourselves INSIDE where our Master's son is being kept in, Lord Beelzebub, Zir!" Hastur said proudly, waiting a bit, almost like he was hoping for praise, praise that of course didn't come.

Those icy blue eyes just stared at him and he coughed before looking up towards where he knew Ligur was and smirked, "Ligurs with the lil mite now, my Disgraceful Lord~"

Lord Beelzebub followed their Dukes gaze and checked around the area. 

Only seeing Ligurs aura but seeing how he moved in such a way that assured he tended to SOMETHING, the Prince rose up silently and in a flash was gone before Hasturs eyes leaving him to imagine what his Lord would think when zey saw zeir third Duke dressed like that!

He couldn't help but snort, feeling just a little bit better from 'Ruths' backlash and taking of his mate an hour and a half ago.

-

Ruth left her alone with their young Master, voice tender yet sad as he went to close the door in his leaving, "You'll be with him if not constantly… His.. Mum and Da haven't much time for the young Master.. Umm.. Again, we'll be here whenever you need, Madame Limain.."

"Why did they have a Spawn then?" Limain asked without looking at Ruth.

Her eyes lay upon her Master's son asleep in his cradle. 

Why wasn't he in Hell then if these mortal parents weren't going to tend to the Destroyer of Worlds? Was THIS what Crawley would have had with their Master's son?

"Some things happen, Madame-"

"Just Limain, please, Ruth?"

Still without looking back, Limain heard a soft, okay, then the click of the door as she was left alone with the baby and then, everything around her went absolutely silent.

Deathly still-

His Lord had arrived unannounced!

Ligurs ears perked upwards as said Lord lit into the babies room, no sulfurous smells, Hellish ash, just zem, which was no smell at all when zey wanted none.

Somehow, somewhere, Ligur silently thanked his Prince for this, the little mite was still too small for the harsh scents of Hell!

He didn't even flinch at the realization of himself being a female, only stood back as his Lord walked over to study their Charge.

"We've named him, Damien, my Lord.."  
Lord Beelzebub zemselves actually gave a small nod that zey heard but remained silent, studying.

"My Disgraceful Lord.. Permit me to ask.. But, why on Heaven, Earth, and Hell was our Master's son given to parents who aren't even there to rear him?"

"He's their 'Spawn', my Lord!" Beelzebub listened to the notes of disgust in zeir Dukes voice and offered to him calmly, almost softly, "Mortals are the defects of Her Creations, the Angel's being perfect, whilst we are the Fallen stock of those Angel's, imperfect!"

Ligur felt confused.

That didn't explain-

"Leave it to Demons to wonder such things, Duke Ligur-" His Lord spoke in a soft buzz.

Zey turned and looked rather small, smaller and not in any manner, Princely when they spoke up front, "You don't see Her sending an Angel to seek him, She could easily and you as well as Duke Hastur know this! Their Her PERFECTIONS afterall."

"Then you have Her defects, making stupid errors and things like THIS result! Spawns they can't rear nor choose not to fess up to!"

Ligur watched as Beelzebub slowly hovered over their small Master to be and assured, touching the babs sleeping cheek with a tender little hand, "But leave it to Her imperfections to care for them, to watch and guide them! Show them the way~"

Some in Hell said it was Lord Beelzebub who'd born the Antichrist.. Right then in there, as Ligur watched his Prince adore the Spawn of Satan himself, he was having a hard time faulting the rumors..

Was his Lord right though, about Demons caring more about Her defects then She Herself? Was THAT why he came up with the idea of keeping Damien to him and Hastur only? Not TRUSTING someone like CRAWLEY with his almost MORTAL like ways? Was the 'Demon' bit just a front?

"My..Lord?"

In a swift contrast, Ligur watched his Lord go from an almost Heavenly being to the Prince of Hell zey were made once zey Fell, his eyes not even able to blink fully before this transformation was complete. 

"This idea of yours isss a good one.. Keep at it.. Teach Damien everything he needs to know, keep him on pace!"

Ligur lowered himself in submission to his Lord, no wings to his name however.

Without even a stern, 'Best do this right,' or 'Don't let us down,' his Lord was gone, and left behind was an awakening Damien, the softest breeze from Beelzebubs vanish enough to rouse the sleeping bab from his slumber.

He blinked slowly up at Ligur, now Nanny Limain who approached his cradle again, both hearing time once again start around them and together, almost for a fleeting moment, the Destroyer of World's and the Duke of Hell's eyes locked and something linked itself between them-

An imprinting like a mother duck to her duckling!


End file.
